“Baby powder is definitely the best powder. Baking powder and gun powder tie for second place, and then the movie Powder comes in third.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #241. Baby powder gets 5 out of 5 stars.
“Humor is essential to survival. Funny poems are vastly underrated. Very underwritten.”
PARADISE LOST, by John Milton “Call off the search party: paradise found, right here in the pages of this heart-breaking, wet-yourself, order-for-Father’s-Day publishing sensation. Milton puts the magnum into magnum opus. If this doesn’t make the shortlists, someone seriously needs to start a new literary prize.” –“Glorious” John Dryden, poet laureate, husband, man
Great Blurbs In History: A Selection - The Rumpus.net)
“This maze is one of the worst.”
Ted Wilson Reviews the World #240: this maze receives one out of five stars.

FUNNY WOMEN #119: Why Jeannie Drank, A Colloquium by Julie Hart

The Faculty of Arts and Philosophy at the University of Muskegon announces its national conference on their common research theme: “Why Jeannie Drank.” At the core of the theme is the signal question of alternative points of view. The aim of this inter-, multi-, trans-disciplinary conference is to open discussion on how personal vs. community responsibility can be apportioned and other jargon. The conference consists of a series of colloquia on the following topics, led by our distinguished visiting experts: Viv Henry, Professor Emeritus of Balthus University. Her paper is going with the title: “‘I know, I know, it’s very hard. By the way, I’m mad at you’: An Appreciation of the Role of Dysfunctional Parenting in the Makings of Alcoholics.” She will attempt to read her paper in one long breath but will need a cigarette break.
“In a world with no child stars, Leave it to Beaver would have been called Leave It. The Brady Bunch would have been called The Brady Duo and Their Unnecessary Maid, and Punky Brewster would have been called Lonely Old Man. None of those are shows I would want to watch. Well, I might watch Lonely Old Man.”
“Bunk beds come with a free ladder. It’s not a very tall ladder but is perfect for reaching things in the cupboard, or climbing to the top of very small trees. In truth, the bunk bed doesn’t need a ladder. The bed that really should come with something is the waterbed, which should come with a towel.”
“You may have noticed that we are on a decrepit railroad bridge, Karen and Brad, and what better place to begin your engagement photo journey? You are matrimonial hobos riding the rails! You are together forever on life’s defunct infrastructures! Now: join hands and walk towards the camera on the railroad ties. We’re trying to make everyone you know and love jealous by linking your hands just so. Holy crap, check out how the light is hitting that corroded crossbeam! Karen, give me your ring for a second. I’m going to get one of the ring alone on this sooty bolt the size of my fist. Oh wow, I am really capturing the diamond’s glinting quality, Karen. I’ll think you’ll be pleased.”
“Some jokester mailed me a dead pigeon. Or they may have mailed me a live pigeon, but then it passed away along the trip. It would have been quicker and cheaper to have the pigeon fly right to me. No stamps needed. I know the post office is struggling to find ways to stay relevant, but they can’t fight nature.”
Ted Wilson Reviews The World #237. He gives 2 out of 5 stars to a dead pigeon.
“It’s called the World Cup because people from all over the world can play. I don’t know what the cup has to do with anything. I guess a lot of people own cups at home so the name makes it something the average person can relate to. If it was called the World Yacht only rich people would be interested.”