“Simon’s best known song is one where he requests the listeners refer to him as Al. It’s a strange request and I’m not sure why he would want that. It’s his first name but with the P and U removed. Is he secretly saying “pee you” to his listeners? Why? What is it that smells? I’ll never understand songwriters.”



★★★★☆ (4 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing marshmallows.

If clouds were made of soft sugar, and then smushed up into little puffy, stubby cylinders – that’s what a marshmallow would be. But that’s not what a marshmallow is. I’m not entirely sure what a marshmallow is, but I am sure I love them.

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“My website (iamtedwilson.com) is 100% free to everyone as long as you have the Internet. If you don’t have the Internet you can mail me a SASE and I will print out a copy of my website and mail it back to you. If the printer at Kinkos breaks I will even write down my website by hand. Please expect 8-10 weeks for delivery if that should happen.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #245. He gives his website 4 out of 5 stars.
“Since the beginning of time, light has come from the sky, but at some point someone decided, “Hey, let’s make it come from an object at eye level instead.” What a mistake that was.”
“Bedtime is the best time because it means you are about to go to sleep, and sleep is where dreams happen. Some of my favorite memories are dreams. Like the time the Tootsie Pop owl called me on the phone. I wish that had happened in real life.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #243. Bedtime gets five out of five stars.
“Once, when locked in my closet for a few days, I ate my chest hair to stay alive. The doctor later told me it had no nutritional value but I didn’t know that, and the placebo effect kept me going. Now that the doctor told me the truth, I’ll have to find something else to eat if I ever get locked in there again.”
“Baby powder is definitely the best powder. Baking powder and gun powder tie for second place, and then the movie Powder comes in third.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #241. Baby powder gets 5 out of 5 stars.
“This maze is one of the worst.”
Ted Wilson Reviews the World #240: this maze receives one out of five stars.
“In a world with no child stars, Leave it to Beaver would have been called Leave It. The Brady Bunch would have been called The Brady Duo and Their Unnecessary Maid, and Punky Brewster would have been called Lonely Old Man. None of those are shows I would want to watch. Well, I might watch Lonely Old Man.”
“Bunk beds come with a free ladder. It’s not a very tall ladder but is perfect for reaching things in the cupboard, or climbing to the top of very small trees. In truth, the bunk bed doesn’t need a ladder. The bed that really should come with something is the waterbed, which should come with a towel.”