-
“My gut is telling me it’s one of the better ones.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #183. This week, Ted reviews a single grain of sand. It received 5 out of 5 stars. -
“Some people mistake yawning for being a sign of disinterest. Others – mostly perverts – mistake it as an invitation for fellatio.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #181. Yawning receives 2 out of 5 stars. -
“Book soup would have been more interesting because I often get very bored eating soup, and there are only so many words you can make with a handful of letters. With a book there would be hours of entertainment. It’s likely no one has ever invented book soup because of copyright restrictions and licensing fees.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #180. Alphabet soup receives 3 out of 5 stars. -
Ted Wilson Reviews The World #179: Slimer gets 4 out of 5 stars.
His actual name is not Slimer. No one knows his real name or who he was before he died. Nor does anyone know how he died. His missing legs may be a clue. Perhaps they were blown off in combat and he bled to death. Or maybe he just never had legs. Whatever the circumstances of his passing, something kept him here on Earth. Possibly his search for his missing legs.
It makes no sense that he would eat. As a ghost, his physical manifestation has no way to metabolize the food he consumes. My guess is that it’s an emotional based eating, possibly a cry for help.
-
Ted Wilson’s review of the alphabet (4 out of 5 stars) is coming to a Nelson education textbook near you! It will also be available, Ted says, “as a book on tape. Except it won’t be tape, it will be whatever mp3s are made out of.” Get a head start on your homework by listening to it today: TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #48 (AUDIO)!
-
“It’s easy to review things that are as they are, but much harder to review things that are not as they appear. The Rumpus says he was an accountant for over 40 years at Rockville Insura-Best, Inc. Television says he’s a lonesome guy hitting his 30s, still looking for love. Maryland says he’s a Pastor. I say he’s a cartoon. So who really is Ted Wilson?
Maybe you’re Ted and you don’t know it yet. Maybe we become Ted when we visit his website. Maybe Ted is all around us. Then again, maybe not. But what I do know is that he loves hippos and that’s good enough for me.”— Ted Wilson Reviews The World #178. Here Garth Beyer reviews Ted Wilson, who ultimately receive 5 out of 5 stars. -
“Claudette Tilder Babysitter Inc. is being heralded by Claudette as the next big thing in babysitting. Rather than the traditional model of a person who comes to your home, Claudette does the babysitting from her house over the internet via a web camera.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #177. Claudette Tilder Babysitter Inc. received 3 out of 5 stars. -
“If you’ve never heard of a whale before, you probably have and just don’t know it. Remember Willy, that giant fish from Free Willy? He was a whale. And that character from Moby Dick? Not the sea captain and not the guy with all the tattoos, but the one that lived in the water and was being hunted? He was a whale.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #176, in which whales receive 4 out of 5 stars. -
The Become Ted Wilson Contest!
Have you ever wondered who Ted Wilson is? What his day is like? Who he talks to? What he eats for dinner? What he looks like in a bathing suit?
Well, you can know everything about him when you become him for a day!
Each month, Ted spends one day as someone else. That means that for that 24 hour period, no one is Ted Wilson. But someone could be, and that someone could be you.
ENTRY RULES
Of all the things in the world that Ted has reviewed, one of the things he’s been reluctant to review is himself. Write a review of Ted and email it to him at iamtedwilson@gmail.com. One lucky winner will be selected for this life-changing event!Entries must be received by April 1st, 2013.
GRAND PRIZE
Temporary Ted will receive a Ted disguise kit which includes:1. A downloadable, printable, and wearable Ted mask.
2. A printable copy of Ted’s Disneyland’s Magic Kingdom membership card.
3. An outgoing voicemail message recorded by Ted himself!Best of all, your review of Ted will be published on The Rumpus as part of Ted’s weekly column!
DISCLAIMER: As Ted, the winner must promise not to sully Ted’s name or kill his or her self. If Ted is going to die, it won’t be by his own hand.
-
Ted Wilson Reviews The World #175. Spanky gets 4 out of 5 stars.
The most famous Little Rascal is named Spanky. Some people think Alfalfa or Buckwheat were more famous but I’m pretty sure it was Spanky. I don’t have any surveys or statistics to back up my claim, but I do have my opinion as a professional reviewer and I think that should be worth something.
