“My website (iamtedwilson.com) is 100% free to everyone as long as you have the Internet. If you don’t have the Internet you can mail me a SASE and I will print out a copy of my website and mail it back to you. If the printer at Kinkos breaks I will even write down my website by hand. Please expect 8-10 weeks for delivery if that should happen.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #245. He gives his website 4 out of 5 stars.
“Since the beginning of time, light has come from the sky, but at some point someone decided, “Hey, let’s make it come from an object at eye level instead.” What a mistake that was.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #244. Lamps receive ZERO STARS.
“Bedtime is the best time because it means you are about to go to sleep, and sleep is where dreams happen. Some of my favorite memories are dreams. Like the time the Tootsie Pop owl called me on the phone. I wish that had happened in real life.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #243. Bedtime gets five out of five stars.
“Once, when locked in my closet for a few days, I ate my chest hair to stay alive. The doctor later told me it had no nutritional value but I didn’t know that, and the placebo effect kept me going. Now that the doctor told me the truth, I’ll have to find something else to eat if I ever get locked in there again.”
“Baby powder is definitely the best powder. Baking powder and gun powder tie for second place, and then the movie Powder comes in third.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #241. Baby powder gets 5 out of 5 stars.
“This maze is one of the worst.”
Ted Wilson Reviews the World #240: this maze receives one out of five stars.
“In a world with no child stars, Leave it to Beaver would have been called Leave It. The Brady Bunch would have been called The Brady Duo and Their Unnecessary Maid, and Punky Brewster would have been called Lonely Old Man. None of those are shows I would want to watch. Well, I might watch Lonely Old Man.”
“Bunk beds come with a free ladder. It’s not a very tall ladder but is perfect for reaching things in the cupboard, or climbing to the top of very small trees. In truth, the bunk bed doesn’t need a ladder. The bed that really should come with something is the waterbed, which should come with a towel.”
“Some jokester mailed me a dead pigeon. Or they may have mailed me a live pigeon, but then it passed away along the trip. It would have been quicker and cheaper to have the pigeon fly right to me. No stamps needed. I know the post office is struggling to find ways to stay relevant, but they can’t fight nature.”
Ted Wilson Reviews The World #237. He gives 2 out of 5 stars to a dead pigeon.
“It’s called the World Cup because people from all over the world can play. I don’t know what the cup has to do with anything. I guess a lot of people own cups at home so the name makes it something the average person can relate to. If it was called the World Yacht only rich people would be interested.”