“Once, when locked in my closet for a few days, I ate my chest hair to stay alive. The doctor later told me it had no nutritional value but I didn’t know that, and the placebo effect kept me going. Now that the doctor told me the truth, I’ll have to find something else to eat if I ever get locked in there again.”
“Baby powder is definitely the best powder. Baking powder and gun powder tie for second place, and then the movie Powder comes in third.”
TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #241. Baby powder gets 5 out of 5 stars.
“This maze is one of the worst.”
Ted Wilson Reviews the World #240: this maze receives one out of five stars.
“In a world with no child stars, Leave it to Beaver would have been called Leave It. The Brady Bunch would have been called The Brady Duo and Their Unnecessary Maid, and Punky Brewster would have been called Lonely Old Man. None of those are shows I would want to watch. Well, I might watch Lonely Old Man.”
“Bunk beds come with a free ladder. It’s not a very tall ladder but is perfect for reaching things in the cupboard, or climbing to the top of very small trees. In truth, the bunk bed doesn’t need a ladder. The bed that really should come with something is the waterbed, which should come with a towel.”
“Some jokester mailed me a dead pigeon. Or they may have mailed me a live pigeon, but then it passed away along the trip. It would have been quicker and cheaper to have the pigeon fly right to me. No stamps needed. I know the post office is struggling to find ways to stay relevant, but they can’t fight nature.”
Ted Wilson Reviews The World #237. He gives 2 out of 5 stars to a dead pigeon.
“It’s called the World Cup because people from all over the world can play. I don’t know what the cup has to do with anything. I guess a lot of people own cups at home so the name makes it something the average person can relate to. If it was called the World Yacht only rich people would be interested.”
“They should really have put some warnings in the instruction booklet about how comfortable the seat is. The only warning was about the spinning blades underneath the chassis. Those blades are pretty dangerous and seem like overkill for something as puny as grass. My lawnmower is basically an upside down helicopter with no seatbelt. It’s really a very dangerous thing and I’m not sure who approved it.”
Ted Wilson Reviews The World #235: his riding lawnmower earns one out of five stars.
“One of the really wonderful things about sawdust is how nice it smells. It’s hard to describe. If you really want to smell it, write to me and I’ll mail you a small bag of it. For some reason Scratch ‘n Sniff stickers only come in odors of foods, but I would absolutely buy a bunch of sawdust scented stickers. And I would scratch them and sniff them all day long.”
“It’s unclear why he is so angry.”
Ted Wilson Reviews The World #233: Godzilla gets 3 out of 5 stars.