“Whatsapp must be amazing. Really amazing. So amazing that owning it is better than using that money for all the other things one could do with nine billions dollars. That’s a pretty amazing company when you think about it. Wow!”
“Most people think salt licks are meant only for horses or desperately hungry people. However, salt licks are also perfect for regular people who want an easily accessible supply of salt without the hassle of trying to get a salt shaker through a metal detector.”
“There were women in the halftime show, and of course there were cheerleaders, but none of the players were women, as far as I could tell. There are some very powerful and independent women out there who could easily play football. Gidget, Punky Brewster, or Beyoncé to name a few.”
“The sponge gets smaller every month. To maximize efficiency, I buy smaller dishes each month. Proportionally speaking, the sponge remains the same size. It makes me feel like I’m growing, which has the side effect of filling me with confidence.”
“The center of the Earth is a place of wonder and mystery. Some people believe it’s full of mole men. This is untrue. I know this is untrue because mole men aren’t real and probably never were. I say probably because I’m not willing to say mole men are impossible.”
“Of all the candies, cotton candy is probably the most fun, especially for being named after a fabric. The only other candy that even comes close is the Ring Pop, which is a lollipop gem on the top of a toy ring. You wear it and you eat it, just like edible underwear.
I made some of my own edible underwear once out of cotton candy. It was incredibly difficult. Very sticky and messy and looked more like an edible diaper than anything else. The genius about the Ring Pop is you can lift it to your mouth. I couldn’t get my mouth anywhere near the cotton-candy underwear. And when I sat down in it, it stuck to my couch. The ants just loved that.”