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“Everyone uses a pen, so it is pretty much the best place to advertise. Better than TV (Amish) and better than billboards (speeders).” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #187. Personalized pens receive 4 out of 5 stars. -
“As a cologne, I simply can’t recommend this. As a beverage, the price is still a bit steep, but if you’re thirsty and there aren’t any other choices, then okay.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #186. His new cologne receives 1 out of 5 stars. -
“Much like a stand-alone KFC that has gone out of business and been replaced by a bank, a stroller looks out of place when being used for anything other than baby transport. After retrieving mine I tried using it as a golf club and got quite a few stares. Without a baby in it, a stroller is almost useless.” -
“If you’ve never seen a hippopotamus (or “hippo” for when you’re in a hurry) in real life, you’re missing out. I should know – I’ve never seen one, so I can feel how much I’m missing out.” -
“My gut is telling me it’s one of the better ones.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #183. This week, Ted reviews a single grain of sand. It received 5 out of 5 stars. -
“Some people mistake yawning for being a sign of disinterest. Others – mostly perverts – mistake it as an invitation for fellatio.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #181. Yawning receives 2 out of 5 stars. -
“Book soup would have been more interesting because I often get very bored eating soup, and there are only so many words you can make with a handful of letters. With a book there would be hours of entertainment. It’s likely no one has ever invented book soup because of copyright restrictions and licensing fees.” — Ted Wilson Reviews The World #180. Alphabet soup receives 3 out of 5 stars. -
Ted Wilson Reviews The World #179: Slimer gets 4 out of 5 stars.
His actual name is not Slimer. No one knows his real name or who he was before he died. Nor does anyone know how he died. His missing legs may be a clue. Perhaps they were blown off in combat and he bled to death. Or maybe he just never had legs. Whatever the circumstances of his passing, something kept him here on Earth. Possibly his search for his missing legs.
It makes no sense that he would eat. As a ghost, his physical manifestation has no way to metabolize the food he consumes. My guess is that it’s an emotional based eating, possibly a cry for help.
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Ted Wilson’s review of the alphabet (4 out of 5 stars) is coming to a Nelson education textbook near you! It will also be available, Ted says, “as a book on tape. Except it won’t be tape, it will be whatever mp3s are made out of.” Get a head start on your homework by listening to it today: TED WILSON REVIEWS THE WORLD #48 (AUDIO)!
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“It’s easy to review things that are as they are, but much harder to review things that are not as they appear. The Rumpus says he was an accountant for over 40 years at Rockville Insura-Best, Inc. Television says he’s a lonesome guy hitting his 30s, still looking for love. Maryland says he’s a Pastor. I say he’s a cartoon. So who really is Ted Wilson?
Maybe you’re Ted and you don’t know it yet. Maybe we become Ted when we visit his website. Maybe Ted is all around us. Then again, maybe not. But what I do know is that he loves hippos and that’s good enough for me.”— Ted Wilson Reviews The World #178. Here Garth Beyer reviews Ted Wilson, who ultimately receive 5 out of 5 stars.
